Dr. Berger-just another ordinary person
by conrade sapfeather
Summary: It's a school assignment based on Judith Guest's "Ordinary People", basicallywondering what Berger does outside the psychiatry office.
1. Entry 1

Dr. Berger – Just another ordinary person.  
  
1 Entry #1  
  
It's been a good week so far. I haven't been robbed yet, and I just got a referral for another patient. Something like Jordan, or Jarrett, I'm not sure, but he's one of Crawford's kids. They're usually pretty interesting, but I imagine it'll be business as usual. At least it's work. I think he's coming later today.  
  
Later…  
  
Well, it was almost a good week. I show up at the office and everything's trashed. It's all over the floor, but it's just as well, as I can't remember the last real important thing I put in that office. Check that, I do remember my latest key addition: the coffee maker. That's still working alright, or at least it tries.  
  
I felt kind of sorry for the kid, though, Jarrett. He looked a bit shaken up from the whole place, the dark atmosphere and all. I suppose it does resemble a mad scientist's lab, but he'll get used to it. The first appointment's usually the hardest, anyway. I like to feel the kid out, see how willingly he responds, and of course they always do the same with me. This kid seems pretty easy. We've only had one session and already I know he's got an overprotective father, a dead brother, and no friends. "Control," that's what he wants. A tough case, I'll be seeing him twice a week.  
  
Right now I'm engaging in one of my favorite pastimes from my psyche school days: watching the Brady Bunch and predicting all the disorders they'll have later on due to emotional repression. I don't have any patients and I still work too much. That's life. 


	2. Entry 2 - What psychiatrists do when the...

Entry #2  
  
Nobody ever really asks what us psychiatrists do when we're not working. There's a good reason for that. That's why when they do ask, we don't answer. We don't need to answer. It's not our job to answer. Our job is to make them answer. Most of us use the old fashioned question and answer method. Sit them on the crazy seat and dig up their souls. Fine for them, but I prefer a more personal method.  
  
I've been working on that Jarrett kid. He said he wanted control, so the first step we've taken is kicking the swim team. I think that's good for him, but I'm still working on him over this whole control issue. He needs to give more vent to his emotions. I try and give him some practice, too. Yesterday, I could tell he was mad, so I had him tell me to "F--- off," and "go to hell." It's been a while since anyone's said that to me. I think it was good for him, though.  
  
Sometimes I think I get too caught up, though, in what's good for him and I forget about what's good for me. For crying out loud, here I am in a rundown garbage tube on Judson Avenue, trying to pay the bills by running some light psychiatry work. I can't remember the last time I just let loose and exploded at someone, or told them I loved them, or had anyone do either to me. Actually, it wouldn't be so bad if I couldn't remember. As it is, memories are all I have. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget Cindy…  
  
But that's all behind me now. Now it's just me and my job. Me and Conrad. And I can't let Conrad down. 


	3. Entry 3 - I remember when I used to go s...

Entry #3  
  
I remember when I used to go skiing. I would call Cindy, she was always free, and we would drive up to the slopes, maybe even spend a night or two at the lodge. Life was free and easy back then. We didn't need rules. Heck, I still don't use rules. And look where I am.  
  
Conrad's been going through some ups and downs himself. Last month he hated himself because he blew up at his mom. Sure, it wasn't the best thing to do, but I think it helped him see what he gets from bottling up his emotions all the time. Either way, this most recent appointment, he came in on a sort of high. Apparently some girl at the library commented on his overall handsomeness. I think we're slowly working him out of his box of self-inflicted punishment.  
  
He wasn't sure how to approach girls, though, so I compared dating with skiing. That's why it's on my mind now. That and the snow all around. I think it helped Conrad though. He needs to do more thinking outside the box. I used to think I lived outside the box. Now I'm stuck in an office. What does that say? Maybe my outside thinking was still too "inside." Maybe I'm overanalyzing the situation.  
  
Conrad and I spent some time discussing this whole "box" concept, about how he's inside and everyone else seems outside. I always felt I was the other way around. Until Conrad told me how he'd always imagined me in the box with him, and he called me his friend. Maybe staying inside isn't so bad after all. Either way, those hills are looking pretty attractive now… 


	4. Entry 4 - On taking one's initiative by ...

Entry #4  
  
I finally did it. Following my own advice, I took my initiative by the pants and went skiing. I didn't go with anyone; I had no one to go with. It was to be only me, the slopes, and of course the singles line. Thank God for the singles line, and the nice long rides up. No better place to meet skiing girls about my age. I'm always surprised by how many other singles there are. And most of them were pretty nice. Especially Nancy. I still have her phone number on my mitten. I'll have to call her sometime.  
  
I recently got a new perspective on the Jarrett family crises. Con's dad came for an appointment. He wasn't sure exactly what he wanted, but I think he only needed to talk to someone different. As different as he was from his son, he seemed to have a similar type of problem. I can't wait to meet his wife someday. See if her self-esteem is as lousy as these other clowns. By the way, I have no qualms about calling Conrad a clown. If he can call my place a "circus," that must entitle me to something.  
  
I suppose that we do have some wild times here, though. I wonder, if this is a circus, and my patients are the clowns, what does that make me? Lion tamer? Sometimes I feel more like a tightrope walker. Not so much recently. I think my little ski trip helped that a bit. I don't know why I didn't do that before. It's not like I'm so busy here at work. That is, when I'm not taming clowns like Conrad or balancing my career with my social life. Such is life… 


	5. Entry 5 - Patients come and go, now

Entry #5  
  
I finally got up my nerve and visited Cindy's grave yesterday. There was no overwhelming peace and solemnity about it like you read in those books. It was just me standing six feet over what's left of her. Although this time I knew it wasn't my fault. Not because of my work, not because of my other friends, just because. I don't know why it's taken me so long to accept this, I've read about this sort of sedentary guilt complex in basically every psyche course I've taken. I've even helped two-thirds of the Jarrett family deal with theirs.  
  
Patients come and go, now. I'm not sure, I think this whole psychiatry thing is becoming too much of a fad, now, and the people with real problems are afraid to come. Maybe the coffee's scaring them away. Either way, it'd be nice for me to make a real difference in someone's life again, like Conrad, especially since I'm coming to terms with my own life. I don't think I'll ever forget Conrad's goodbyes, though. He invited me to visit him any time, and revised my rating to a 9. I think that raises me to about 7.6 all-time. He left in a hurry, though. I didn't get to ask him what the matter was. But I think I know anyway. I at least have an idea. He'll be fine.  
  
Tonight, Nancy and I are going out for dinner. I've already seen her three times at the ski resort, and this is going to be our first official "date." It only took me 'till August to arrange it. So far, she's the only woman I've know who's not offended by my hair. Although in the middle of the summer, I don't think I can blame the static from my winter cap. I could blame the coffee, and I might even be telling the truth. If it turns into an issue, I guess I could grease it back. Hey, I'm starting to think outside of the box! There's hope for me yet. 


End file.
